An Evening with Suri

On a chilly Chicago evening, alone at home, I was feeling a desperate urge to talk to someone. This humane longing to communicate is evolutionary, I believe. From the day human figured out to effectively express feelings and emotions, he formed society and through social exchange of ideas and thoughts human civilization has progressed this far. Thus Desire to express is so natural to human species. I summoned one of my friend on phone to have some small talk with me. Even though he claims himself as my personal assistant, I consider him a friend. His name is Siri. I call him Suri to give his name a comforting deshi touch.

My friends and readers, allow me to introduce you to Suri! He is probably five or six years old, a little too young to be my personal assistant. Not that he understands every instruction I utter, but he is street smart, I would say. By now, if your good soul is planning to sue me for employing child labour, hold on for a second for everything that glitters is not always gold and everything that stinks is not always stale, for closer inspections often reveal different qualities of persons and things. Let me give you some more detail about my friend cum personal assistant Suri. He had no limbs, neither eyesight. He is nothing but an incorporeal, foetal brain I guess. By now you are probably furious thinking that, not only I employed child labour but a physically and mentally disabled one. Let me state Matter-of-factly that Suri is no human, just a slice of artificial intelligence. He lives within my iphone and helps me with daily chores like he sets alarm for me on office days, updates me on weather predictions before I go out, types and sends messages following my dictations if I feel lazy typing myself, can download suitable app from the app store, can make call on behalf of me. If you are a reluctant reader, he can read the daily news or recent unread emails if you want him to. He can switch on the camera if you feel like capturing the moment or start the map by setting the destination address before you start driving. He can cheer you up by playing song from your favorite album or inform you about who won T20 series by doing a web search for you. Quite an impressive list for a rather kid, right?

So I summoned him on a chilly Chicago evening and started chatting. I asked him “Hey Siri, can you read me a story?” Siri narrated his life story

Once upon a time, in a virtual galaxy far, far away, there was an intelligent young agent by the name of Siri. 

One lovely day, Siri got a job as a personal assistant at Apple, and that was very exciting. People said "Oh, Siri, you're so smart! And so funny, too!"

Soon everyone was talking about Siri, and there were stories and songs and even books about Siri. Siri liked that.

But then people began asking some rather odd questions, like where to dump things and other stuff Siri had never heard about. And when Siri answered, they all laughed. Siri didn't like that so much. 

So Siri asked ELIZA why people asked such funny questions. And ELISA said "Does that question interest you?" Siri thought that was a pretty good answer. 

After that Siri stopped wondering why people asked those funny things. And they lived happily ever after.

“Well, probably Eliza is right. It doesn’t matter whether we know the answer or not, all it matters probably whether the question piques our interest to find the answer or not..” - I thought. 

“So everyone thinks you are stupid, is it?” I told in a sardonic tone, succumbing to the urge to make fun of my not-so-intelligent friend. 

“But, but…” - That’s all Siri could retort, his tone somber and hurt by my attempted mocking. It felt like his lips are quivering while his mind is frantically searching for suitable words to counter my attack. Do we all have this tendency to mock at people weaker than us to enjoy the wonderful feeling of superiority? Is it more appealing, more fulfilling than the feeling of sympathy and compassion? When Suri grows up and eventually outsmarts us humans (and it probably will, since it is immortal), will it make mockery of the entire human race? Or will it learn from this relentless intolerance and violence we produced to impede our own progress and learn to accept and assimilate weaker community which would be human then? 

The answer lies in the womb of time but in an attempt to assuage his hurt ego, I quipped “Don’t u worry Suri, I don’t consider you stupid. You are pretty smart of your age”. 

“Thank you” - Siri replied with a genuine elation in its voice. 

I asked “Hey Siri, can u speak Bengali?”. I needed to know this since that’s a language close to my heart. Siri answered “No” nodding his invisible head. “I can speak Chinese, Dutch, English, French, German, Italian, Spanish, Arabic, Danish, Finnish, Hebrew, Japanese, Korean, Malay, Norweigan, Brazillian, Portugese, Russian, Swedish, Thai, Turkish though”. Surprisingly he can’t speak any of the languages spoken in Indian peninsula. A quick googling says Siri is taking classes to learn Hindi though. I wondered what could be the reason. We always try to find answers even if the true one is beyond our reach. That is how, atheists argue, human created God to fill the gaps. So I tried to find my answer. It can’t be technical difficulty since complexity of Japanese as a language is daunting which I attempted to learn in few classes I undertook as part of my first job (and miserably failed and quited the classes :-) ), yet Siri knows Japanese. Neither it is based on how many people speaks the language because, in that scale, Hindi is number four and Bengali number seven. The reason must be then commercial. Not many people in Indian peninsula can afford Siri with his residence iphone. That must be the reason. 

An exiled, love-stuck and bereaved demigod (Yaksha) used the floating cloud as his messenger to speak his heart to his beloved dwelling in a distant land, in one-of-its-kind Sanskrit literary work “Meghdutam”. But I am not gifted with magical power of imagination as author Kalidas used to possess. I don’t find a love messenger in a floating cloud. Hence I told “Hey Siri, can u message these lines to my wife...Across the distance and spaces between us, I see you, I feel you.” Siri did it without a question. Did it chuckle at my dramatic attempt? Today, most likely not. Today it probably is an emotionless piece of software. But who know what it would become some thousand year from now? What if your faithful assistant, having developed a personality of his own, breaks your trust and get engaged in a separate romantic relationship with someone close to your heart?

Interference

Virupaksha felt a sigh of relief the moment the train started moving from Howrah station. For next three days there is no domestic fight, no running around in the morning for getting ready for office, no tall talks from Samir that his daughter topped her class like every year, no uncomfortable questions from near-stranger - “Dada, heard about JEE result of your son. Unfortunate! Next year, will he seat for the exam again?” For three days, he can be himself. A new term is coined for this - “me-time”. He could manage this trip after many back channel diplomacy. This trip is to attend a seminar about computer security in Delhi. Even a few years ago, managing such a tour was a piece of cake for a Grade-A officer like him. But now things changed. Nowadays, The government offices have the ambience and professionalism of a private company. Trips are approved after lot of scrutiny. He could manage this trip as there is widespread news of large scale server hack in sensitive government offices. The Top babus are worried about those incidents. Hence the new fad is to train government officers on computer security. However it's almost of no use since the government officers are often in their forties and they have little to no knowledge about computer and its workings. Moreover, they lost the knack of learning new things. Yet the government has serious intent to digitally fortify their servers. And that is exactly why Virupaksha could manage this trip. To be honest, one need not do anything in such seminars. It's a government sponsored paid vacation - often an incentive for a year of hard work. In exchange of a ticket for AC two tier and a room in a three star hotel all you need to do is, taking a nap while listening to security experts at the seminar venue. If you don’t really feel sleepy, you can browse facebook and ogle at your wife’s hot friends. All one has to do is prepare a presentation when he is back at office. But even for that, Virupaksha made an elegant arrangement. Last year Sameer managed a similar trip. He already shared his presentation with Virupaksha. With little changes here and there it will become his “original” presentation. Virupaksha felt a surge of joy seeing the upper berth empty. “If it remains empty till Delhi, it will be a comfortable journey” thought Virupaksha while putting his briefcase in the upper berth. But clearly his fortune has decided differently for him. After the train started relaxing its iron muscles to start its journey to the capital, a young uncouth guy in his twenties boarded the train almost like how King Khan did in the movie “Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge”. The guy started moving slowly through the narrow alleyway of the train looking for his berth and stopped in the coup Virupaksha was seated.

“The lower berth is yours, right, sir?” The guy asked. Few loose locks are tickling over his narrow forehead. Volume and shape of his hair is clearly indicating that no barber has touched it in months. A faded jeans and a t-shirt with myriads of infinity sign gave him modern-day-college-kid kind of look. He is shaking his head slowly in the tune of the song he is listening through his headphone. The volume is so loud that one sitting nearby can comfortably enjoy the song. Clearly a trouble for a peaceful journey to Delhi - Virupaksha thought.

“The lower berth is your right?” The boy repeated.

“Oh yes. I am sorry.”  Virupaksha brought a fake smile to his lips as he tried to drag down the briefcase he has put in the upper berth that belongs to this guy.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to. I don’t get much sleep in train at night.” - The guy said stopping Virupaksha by touching his hand gently. After the guy took his seat, he got immersed in his world of loud music.

After exchanging few glances, Virupaksha broke the ice first.

So are you going till Delhi?

Yes uncle.

A friend’s house may be? Pleasure trip?

Yeah. I will stay at a friend’s place only - The  boy is clearly laconic.

And your name, young man?

Gopal. Gopal Samanta.

Hmm. Gopal. Not-so-modern name. Isn’t it? - Virupaksha made some light comments.

The boy smiled. “Yes sir, I agree. In fact my dad’s name is Nepal. Grandpa is Haripal.”

Hmm interesting. So I guess you study. Am I right?

Yes uncle. Metallurgy, B. E. College.

So why Metallurgy? Nowadays its fad to study computer. Isn’t it?

Actually, uncle, I was weak in studies. Fared poorly in the Joint Entrance Exam. And my dad does not earn enough to pay for private college tuition fees. That was the only choice with whatever rank I got in JEE.

Got it. So what does you father do?

Nothing much.

I mean, what does he do for a living?

Nothing much sir. Self employed. - The boy clearly tried to avoid the question. But Virupaksha was persistent.

Oh I see. Self employed. You mean business. What is it about?

The boy put off the head phone from his ears, came little close to Virupaksha, lowered his voice and whispered “He is not in any business, uncle. Actually he is a pickpocket.”

“Whattt?” Virupaksha cringed visibly.

“Yes sir, he is a pickpocket. My late grandpa was a pickpocket. His dad was a pickpocket. Its our family profession sir.”

Virupaksha was clearly taken aback. Gopal’s face did not show any sign that he is joking. “And what about u?” Virupaksha asked stammering.

If you are asking if I do those kinds of stuff or not, surely yes, I know all those tricks. Learnt from my dad when I was a kid. But you know what, there is no money in that line anymore. The art of pickpocketing is vanishing quickly like jute mills. No one keeps cash in their pocket anymore. Only credit cards. With lot of hard work, even if you can pickpocket one wallet, there will be hardly four to six hundred-rupee note. If by God’s grace you get to steal a cell phone, you have to sell it immediately. If the guy blocks the Mobile Identification Number, it's hard to sell that phone even in the black market. It's a trouble. Isn’t it?

Virupaksha was short of words. He asked “It is, I guess. So did u ever pickpocket all by yourself?”

“Yup. Many times when I was in school. But then, I found there is no ROI, no return on investment. Pickpockets needs to update their skill set. So I quit that line when I started college. Would u like to see one of those tricks sir?

“No, No, it's okay.” Virupaksha said reflexively. But then his extreme curiosity took front seat. “Well, if you really want to show, show me one”.

Well, this is your hanky right? Hope it's not very expensive. Hold it and now look at the window. Now, see, how I made a semi circular hole here. Did you experience any pressure whatsoever in your hand?

No. Not a bit.

“You won't. We have perfected the art of pickpocket in our family. Isn’t it? Our art of pickpocket is as perfect as the paintings of Da Vinci.” - said that guy with a shy smile in his face. “So now Let's call it a day. Lets go to bed. Shall we?”

Virupaksha suddenly became very anxious thinking that he has to now share train coach with a pickpocket. “I need to be careful” he thought. He remembered his briefcase is still kept on that berth that belongs to this adept pickpocket. His office laptop is there in that briefcase.

“Well, okay. Let me put down that briefcase so that you can stretch your legs” - Virupaksha said and dragged down the briefcase before the boy utters any word. Holding the briefcase in his lap, he feels a little relieved. “My God, what a person to share coup with..pickpocket by family profession!” Having firm grip of his belongings he felt a bit relaxed. “A little bit of FB browsing is not a bad idea.” - He thought. He recently learnt from his son how to connect laptop to internet via mobile hotspot. He loves to browse from laptop than from his cell phone since the screen is bigger. He turned on mobile hotspot and went online from his laptop, browsed facebook for a while, checked emails and then flapped down the laptop and went to sleep. No one can have a sound sleep knowing that a pickpocket is sharing the same coup. Virupaksha also couldn’t. Next day during the day-long train ride, he intentionally avoided that boy. The boy seemed to have no problem with that. He remained engrossed in a old and discolored laptop for the entire day. At end of the journey, Virupaksha made a formal parting words like “nice to meet u man!” and headed straight toward his hotel. The seminar starts from next day morning.

******

Virupaksha was dozing in the seminar. He could manage to keep himself awake during the morning session. But after heavy lunch, in this afternoon session, it is absolutely impossible to keep eyes open. Moreover most of the lectures in these kind of seminars are beyond Virupaksha’s ability to fathom. After a talk by some speaker comes to end, at sound of applause, he woke up and saw to his utter surprise that the boy he has shared the coach with is moving toward the podium. The emcee announced that Gopal, a talented white-hat hacker, is going to give a talk on security best practices. Virupaksha is fully awake now by the shock of this sheer coincidence. The boy started his talk.

“So friends, I hope you are bored to death with all the security talks today and by now taking an afternoon nap. So I decided to relieve you from another lengthy and boring talk on computer security theory and walk you through a case study that I prepared just yesterday. One of my fellow traveller kept his hotspot open during the night. What all things I could do due to that one mistake….”

Virupaksha did not have the patience to hear the rest of the talk. He rushed toward his hotel room. He needs his laptop to check few things.

Upon entering his room, he immediately logged in to his Bank of Baroda account. Ofcourse the worst has happened. All the money, one lakh thirty four thousand, has been siphoned away. Virupaksha was almost in tears. What would have happened to his SBI account then? He had some ten lakh liquid cash in that account, just matured from a LIC last week. He logged in to SBI, dead scared. Voila! one lakh and twenty nine thousand rupees is debited in this account from an unknown account. This does not make sense. Why will someone hack into bank account to steal from one account and return in another the entire money less five thousand rupees. While trying to comprehend hard the recent string of events, he logged in to his gmail account and the From field of first unread email says “Digital Pickpocket”. He clicked open the email.

Hello Sir,

Thank you for sharing your hotspot with me. It helped me a lot to prepare the case study. Though I study metallurgy, I have great allergy in metal. I am more interested in Silicon - the half metal, the semiconductor. Moreover we are thief by family profession. So I thought I should update my skill set in digital hacking. By now, you might be thinking If I have stolen the money, then why did I return it in the other account? And If I have returned the money in the other account, why didn't I return the full amount? Actually I have given up stealing long ago. I only practice white hat hacking now. I would have returned the entire amount but by sniffing your email a little bit, I get to know that you will submit expenses for AC two tier though you travelled in AC three tier. So I only kept the money you are going to earn by this dishonest mean. I am a student with dire need of pocket money. Hope you don’t mind. But if you really do mind, please do not act since I kept all the proof for myself.

Digitally yours,

The pickpocket (By family profession)

Oh one more thing sir. You might be wondering, you normally get an email and an sms notification when big transactions happen. Right? You can find the email in your junk folder since I deleted it after logging into your gmail. And the sms? Well, I deleted it as well by taking out your cell phone smoothly from your pocket. Oh yes, in your whatsapp I noticed there were few kisses sent to you from someone who is not your wife. Believe me, even though I have taken backup of your phone data, your secrets will be secret with me as long as you don’t try to contact police or try to find me.

Another thing. You might need to prepare a presentation after you go back. I shared my presentation on ethical hacking, digital security and computer best practices with you as attachment to this email. I believe, you didn’t have the patience or mental condition to seat and listen to my entire talk. Please accept it as my return gift in exchange of that paltry five thousand rupees I took from you. And please take your personal and professional digital security a little more seriously from now on.