The Great Quest

An oily, slippery gloom is all over me as if I am wrapped in darkness. Somewhere in distance, a loving voice is calling me, time and again. A voice I know. A voice unknown. A relentless “mmmm” sound, as if blood is gushing through the vein, is coming through. Along with that, comes a thud-like sound. Incessantly. Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub. And again. Again I hear that loving, affectionate voice. Someone is calling me from distance. Where is the outlet? Where is the way out from this dark, blind room? I feel like retorting to that voice. But I’m drowned in this viscous watery silence. Where is light? How far is it? I poke the surface of this lathery wallpaper. All that exists here, is me and this melted blue timelessness. All that exists here, is warm and slimy darkness. I am floating in a world without gravity. I am hungry, I am verily hungry. Food grains come directly in my bloodstream. I don’t chew yet my hunger gets satiated. Should I sleep now with a full stomach, satisfied? No, No, I won’t. I won’t put up with this hide and seek for eternity. I need light. I need to escape from this wet darkness. I shout. I shout with all my force. I complain, I kick the elastic wall around me….and then I hear that loving, mellifluous voice again - calling me by my name. Who is that? Who are you with your loving touch in the other side of the wall? I am mesmerized, dumbstruck without a word. Who is that over there - one who attracts me perpetually? Who is that longs me so dearly? If she cherishes me so much, why does she stay away from me? Why does she keeps me confined in this lather bag? I need to really know. I need to really bathe in light of the day. I need to reveal her identity. I don’t know her, yet I feel like I know her more than my Self. I need to quench my quest. Again, Again I grapple the sides of the plastic wall. I keep scratching the wall in the hope to find a way out. Lub dub, lub dub, lub dub. Hushhhh, O Dear, I found an opening. A very narrow dark alley. My limbs are numb. I keep pushing myself forward with my head through the alley. I can do it. I have to do it. I believe at the end of this narrow wayfare, lies the sea of light. I put out all my energy to dig through that path. Is this a blind lane without an outlet? Will I fail to reach my destiny?

And suddenly - suddenly a glaring, blinding ray of light, like one reflected from the razor sharp blade of a sword, is upon my body, my mind, my soul. An excruciating pain of separation rushes through my veins. Thus ends my journey. Thus ends my search for light, search for that loving other. This sudden revelation hangs heavy on me. I tremble. Tremendous weight of this sudden knowledge makes me cry loud in pain. And that loving Other keeps smiling at me, tired.

[My tribute to all mothers and the Eternal Mother]